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January 2015 Reflections

As a child, I remember how often it seemed that days dragged on without end. The time between Christmas and birthdays often seemed the longest. But one of the sad things I’ve noticed about growing up is how fast time seems to race except in the worst of times. Emergencies. Car crashes. Funerals. Disappearances. Yet sometimes, even when things are falling apart, times seems to speed along.

January has been a month of surprise after surprise after surprise. Not all of them have been good sadly. The month started off with busted pipes over New Year’s. It was followed up by some family emergencies. The law firm struck some challenging cases and difficult clients. A host of other small things cropped up, most of them making life more difficult or challenging. February marks the beginning of cheesecake making for the Valentine’s Day dinner, a two nighter at the church this time.

A storm is about to strike the Midwest. A big snowstorm with thick flakes of snow and possibly some ice. The atmosphere has already changed significantly, and I can feel the pressure shifting. It makes my head hurt in an odd detached sort of way, my vision wobbles at the edges. Nothing to be concerned about. This happens before most storms.

I wish that time would slow down. Right now, it isn’t moving so fast. The sky is white and grey, and cars streaked with ice and salt stream along the road as people hurry into Wal-Mart and Aldis to pick up bread, milk, and whatever other supplies they need. And now that these moments have slowed and I am paying attention, I realize I am grateful.

There’s a lot to be grateful for. As challenging as the month has been, it is one that has revealed a great deal. I have failed a lot this month. Plans fell apart. Disappointment, depression, frustration. It was quite difficult. But I’m still here. And I am grateful to God and to my family for that.

I am grateful even though I am sometimes overwhelmed. My to do list sometimes feels unending. Not all of the items are bad. I dearly love some of them. Many of them in fact. It’s more of those few items on every to do list that drag everything else down. And sometimes I am just not as good at accepting my own failures as I should be. I intended to finish and publish Mermaid Bride as well as finish up another couple drafts this month. Obviously, I had not planned most of what happened. But I am learning to keep going, to love what I’m doing, and to keep going.

February will be better. I am grateful for the opportunities ahead and for what God has brought me through.

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